I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
