Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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