i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if only i could text you this smell
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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