So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
