I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
