I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
