You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
