Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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