And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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