Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize