Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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