I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
