i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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