I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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