Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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