I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
