Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
