Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Operation Purity has been aborted
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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