I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
