i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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