fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
