Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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