They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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