Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
