He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
