I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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