I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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