Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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