The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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