bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
