I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
