we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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