how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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