:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
