It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
