This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
