consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
