My room smells like vodka and shame
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
