i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
