What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
