my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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