Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
