sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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