last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
