I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
