Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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