Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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