I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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