Already got asked if we're dating
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
