On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
