I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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