i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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