Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
