Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
