her vagine was all disorganized.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
