I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My bed smells like the plague
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