tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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