the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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