i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
