I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Rumble strips road head = magical
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
