i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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