take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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