you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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