He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
