I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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