I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
