She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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