eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
