I just made out with a guy for $7.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
