I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
