Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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