I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
