Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
