Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
