Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
