6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
In other news, I just burned my penis
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
