I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
