is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
