Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
