how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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