They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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