i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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